Wednesday, March 30, 2011

2 Weeks in on the WW

So it's been two weeks since I joined WW.

There is a whole lot to update so I will have to start at the beginning....

I joined on a Saturday morning and out of the gate, my leader was not clear on how much to charge me (of course she wanted to overcharge me) for the monthly pass.  I went through the meeting feeling a bit like I was at an AA meeting.  I was anxious for the meeting to be over so she could - "get me all set up".  Honestly, this is why I joined in the first place.  I wanted to understand the point plus structure and see how it was different from what I had been doing on my own for over a year now.

I was absolutely horrified to find out that the information I wanted (ie - calories etc.) was precisely the kind of information she WOULD NOT provide.  WHAT!!!  Let me get this straight.  I am paying $40.00 a month for a secret formula that you won't even explain.  She wrote down my daily point allowance and was pleased with herself to send me on my way.   Even two weeks later I'm still annoyed.

But - in keeping with the spirit of things I decided instead of trying to overthink everything yet again - I would pin up the logical side of my brain and go on blind faith.  Tricky, but I'll give it a shot.  Eat what they tell me in the quantites they recommend and just believe that something is going to work.  Hmmmmm....

Fast forward to two weeks later.  The first week I lost 5 lbs.  The second week 1.

I told myself (and my $40) that I really needed to commit for one month before I can make any judgement call at all about the lay of the land.  Because I am quickly bored I am doing something a little different each week to see how that impacts the overall...

So - Week One
Used every bit of my daily 33 points.  Used about half of my weekly and stored up about 5 activity points.
Exercised just one day.
Lost five lbs.

Week Two
Used every daily point (which was now switched to 32 - still pissed because they won't give me the formula for finding out how many points you should have, based on what.... rrrgghh)
Used every weekly point.
Exercised 2 times this week and used every activity point I had racked up.
Lost one lb.

Week Three - still in progress
So far using every daily point
Weekly points were gone by Sunday night (seriously, in the weekend I blew through them all!)
Exercising hard, 3 days so far and I've blown through most of these.
Lost - TBA

Friday, March 11, 2011

Weight Watchers

I'm going to do it.

Usually, I'm not one to think something through before jumping in.  This time - I've obsessed over the decision to join Weight Watchers for more than a year.

I truly and sincerely thought I could just keep experimenting on my own and eventually I would hit on the magic formula that works for me.  After 14 months - it's time to concede that there may actually be someone who knows more about this subject than me. 

I will pay them $40 a month and follow their program exactly for 30 days. 

Today's weight - 219.

Before and After Photos...

You'll hear real responsible types tell you that there is no such thing as "before" and "after" photos because "after" really means forever.  God, if that were true... 

I sincerely hope that once I get this project really rolling I will believe in the forever.  I relish the day that I can look back at some photos from 2009 or 2010 and congratulate myself for losing 50, 75 even 100 lbs.

I view my whole weight loss journey as a huge experiment filled with tests and trials that need checked, and checked again.  Truthfully, it's why I try not to beat myself up much.  I log a failure (a gain) as a proof positive that "_____" didn't work. 

What I can't quite wrap my brain around however is the idea of the "before and after" photos.  What will my after photos look like?  I came across some old sports photos from 1988 - my junior year in high school.  I remember HATING how fat I was and how horrified I was to get my picture taken in the tight softball pants.  I also remember that being the last time I was anywhere near normal weight.  Even then I was 165 pounds (overweight) according to health charts.  

When I found the picture buried in an old box I almost starting crying - I looked fabulous!  I mean truly - WOW.  What the hell was I thinking?  Which leads me to this...  

Was that picture the "before" or the "after"?

My weight has been a constant struggle as far back as I can remember.  But regardless, my thighs have always rubbed together.  Your body style is your body style and I although it's hard to imagine what I will look like by November 30, 2011 - I can't seem to visualize myself at a normal weight.  I have absolutely no frame of reference for it.  None, in my adult life.  None, in my adolescence.  Me being average weight is a fantasy photo in my mind and even that is blurry.  I can't SEE it.  I can barely imagine it.  And that is a huge hurdle to me. 

Everyone says you have to believe you can succeed.  This, in and of itself, is part of the struggle.  I don't know if I will ever truly believe I can be an average weight because I can't quite visualize it.

Monday, March 7, 2011

FAIL

As my son loves to say regarding anything that doesn't quite work out how it's supposed to...

FAIL

Today's numbers are not good - nor should they be.  I weighed in today at 220.  Which means it took about 2 weeks to gain back all the weight I lost during the "starving" week. 

What's the lesson here?  Simple.  I cannot eat whatever I want whenever I want if I'm going to actually make a long term dent in my weight.
Lesson two.  Plateaus are REALLY bad for me. I really lose my umph.

Week one - big loss, down 6 (1440 cal a day average)
Week two  - nothing, small gain (1559 cal a day average)
Week three - gain all back - total of 6 ( 2256 cal a day average) WHAT???

I'm thinking about joining Weight Watchers.
According to their old points program I should shoot for 1300 calories a day.  This will be the plan for Week 4.   I just love experiments.

I'll let ya' know what happens.