The issue is, that I thought there would be more.
When you are 17, there is a world of opportunity and things you could be. Some people are content with what I thought were pretty pedestrian plans (yes, at 17 I was a judgemental bitch). I was convinced I would change the world. I wasn't scared of standing up, or yelling loud or demanding more.
Now, not so much.
At 40, I don't know where that girl went... and that, I'm convinced, is the problem. She is still inside screaming and kvetching and whining all the time that there has to be more. More fun, more money, more fame, more power... more, more, more. But instead, the woman she became is grown up and responsible and truly disappointed in herself.
Because everything is a "give and take" - she took the compromises. She no longer demands more. She no longer is willing to take the same kind of risks.
I miss the girl. I can't believe she won't fight her way back. I'm rooting for her. I'm rooting for me.
