Today is my birthday. I am 40. I weighed in at 206, I smoked on the way to work and I brought everyone in the office poinsettias to decorate for Christmas.
I think the fates got together and were giving me a message this morning when I pulled out my scale for my final "weigh in" of the Challenge39. I have had this scale, and got on this scale everyday for the last 7 or maybe even 8 years. That is a long muthafuckin time... and it has never, ever, not worked.
So - thinking that nothing would be different today other than THE PAYOFF, I get the scale out, hit the button... and ... nothing. Blank.
WHAT the HELL?? Are you kidding me? Today (of all days) it simply didn't turn on.
In my world of hidden meanings and messages this is beyond huge. This is the god damn cosmos telling me that all of my planning and work means... well... nothing. Is this the cosmos telling me "give it a rest sister" you're fine?
I'm going with yes. Message received. Deep breaths. Everything is OK. I am beautiful and strong and smart.
Word to Meatloaf and Bonnie Tyler - 2 outta 3 ain't bad.
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
Monday, November 21, 2011
I seriously hate where I live
As I move through my life (notice move through - not move into) I am one of those people who actually thinks about it. I truly try to see the good in people. I am optimistic even when things go wrong. I try not to worry, and when things go wrong I'm usually pretty successful in finding a way to turn it into a positive. I am one of those people who chooses to be happy when it is usually quite clear there is no reason to be.
Today - is not one of those days.
Nothing is wrong. Nothing is any different than any other day. It's just that today, I am seeing the world without my rose colored glasses and it really, truly sucks.
I live in Ohio. Dull, grey, ugly Ohio. And, no - it's not Columbus or Cleveland or even Cincinnati. It's nowheresville. No culture, no restaurants, no music scene, there's not even a god damned bookstore within 30 miles. Nothing. Where I live there are no dance clubs, no historic house tours, no horse training stables, no yacht clubs, no.... nothing. And it's sad.
All of my greatest ideas, all my contributions to the world that I think I might one day make are as stagnant as the water here. Nothing moves. We just circle and rant and circle again.
At the very least it would be nice to say it's safe or a good place to raise your family. Except for that there is no industry and consequently no money. With a dead economy, people here lock their doors and their minds. Raising my sons in this void, I hope I have the strength to show them what the world could be.
Today, my rose colored glasses are not on - and everything is grey.
Today - is not one of those days.
Nothing is wrong. Nothing is any different than any other day. It's just that today, I am seeing the world without my rose colored glasses and it really, truly sucks.
I live in Ohio. Dull, grey, ugly Ohio. And, no - it's not Columbus or Cleveland or even Cincinnati. It's nowheresville. No culture, no restaurants, no music scene, there's not even a god damned bookstore within 30 miles. Nothing. Where I live there are no dance clubs, no historic house tours, no horse training stables, no yacht clubs, no.... nothing. And it's sad.
All of my greatest ideas, all my contributions to the world that I think I might one day make are as stagnant as the water here. Nothing moves. We just circle and rant and circle again.
At the very least it would be nice to say it's safe or a good place to raise your family. Except for that there is no industry and consequently no money. With a dead economy, people here lock their doors and their minds. Raising my sons in this void, I hope I have the strength to show them what the world could be.
Today, my rose colored glasses are not on - and everything is grey.
Thursday, November 10, 2011
I think I'm a creeper - and, thanks
I have only two weeks left to b-day and with the clock ticking I am still pretty confident that I will reach the goals I laid out for myself this year.
I will hit 40 a nicer person
I will weigh less at 40 than I did at 20
I will not be smoking - even if I quit that day damn it...
This blog was my method of keeping myself in check, but it has turned into a silent addiction. It's not that I post constantly, because I don't. But I find myself checking in with other people via their blogs. And frankly, I'm hooked.
I thought I knew it before but I am absolutely convinced now that there is a quiet majority of people out there that all seem to struggle with the same issues.
I thought I was clever until I laughed out loud reading one blog.
I thought I was informed, until I started researching some options and found out I was late to the party.
I thought I was funny, I thought I was alone, I thought I was mean, I thought I was an athlete, I thought I was all sorts of things... and I am. Just like dozens of other people floating in the ethos - drinking at Starbucks, and going to jobs they can't stand either.
I've used their arguments at cocktail parties and their games at tailgates. I've used their inspiration and their stories. In fact, I thought I used them all up - until I found more... and more... and more...
There are alot of us out there. That makes me feel a little bit better. I'm sorry I will never meet you. I think some of you would have been my friends.
I will hit 40 a nicer person
I will weigh less at 40 than I did at 20
I will not be smoking - even if I quit that day damn it...
This blog was my method of keeping myself in check, but it has turned into a silent addiction. It's not that I post constantly, because I don't. But I find myself checking in with other people via their blogs. And frankly, I'm hooked.
I thought I knew it before but I am absolutely convinced now that there is a quiet majority of people out there that all seem to struggle with the same issues.
I thought I was clever until I laughed out loud reading one blog.
I thought I was informed, until I started researching some options and found out I was late to the party.
I thought I was funny, I thought I was alone, I thought I was mean, I thought I was an athlete, I thought I was all sorts of things... and I am. Just like dozens of other people floating in the ethos - drinking at Starbucks, and going to jobs they can't stand either.
I've used their arguments at cocktail parties and their games at tailgates. I've used their inspiration and their stories. In fact, I thought I used them all up - until I found more... and more... and more...
There are alot of us out there. That makes me feel a little bit better. I'm sorry I will never meet you. I think some of you would have been my friends.
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