Although I had every intention of posting every Thursday - I completely lost track of the fact that yesterday was, indeed, Thursday.
I am not kidding when I say I am the person who truly forgets how old I am, what day of the week it is and everybodys birthday/anniversary/special day - etc. It's like my brain is ratcheting up for other things and I am so overtired that I really lose sight of things most people know cold.
So, yesterday I was busy. And I heard (for the first time in my life) the following:
Office cat lady: "I have to redo all the sales charts"
Me: "Oh, that's got to stink.. sorry to hear that"
Office cat lady: "well - congratulations - it's your fault"
Me: "Really?"
OCL: "You are off the charts"
Me: "You mean my sales?"
OCL: "Yeah, you sold so much this month that it won't fit on the charts I normally make so I have to re-do them to make room for your monthly sales"
Me: "Oh.. well, I suppose that's a pretty good problem for the company to have"
OCL: "Yeah, it is - congratulations"
And the super shitty thing here is that although I had a wonder woman moment for about 10 seconds... I didn't care. The joy was fleeting and I was back at my desk surfing the web for graduate schools, new jobs and funny blogs about 20 minutes later. WTF? Is this what depression feels like?
I was watching the movie Fight Club the other night and there is a scene where the main character (oh how I love thee Edward Norton) is having a conversation with his alter-ego. In it, the alter tells him "God does not love you, you are not special. And once you get over that, you will finally be free"
I think I am in a mid life freak out. I had an idyllic childhood. My parents were the ones who told me I could be president, or a rock star or... anything... and I believed them. Now - I am 40 and I am not famous or rich or powerful. I am however "off the charts" with no passion for my pursuits.
I am whining...
I hate whiners...
I need a plan and I hope it involves being thin, rich and powerful. Is that too much to ask?
***********************
No sooner do I get done writing this - I go to check my horoscope (because it's fun, don't judge) and this is mine for today...
Friday, Sep 28th, 2012 -- You have spent a lot of time analyzing the possibilities and thinking about where you want your life to go. Although your grand scheme may remain unchanged, your plan to create your ideal future continues to undergo radical change because of unexpected opportunities that have not yet come to fruition. It's difficult to know whether or not they are real, which, in turn, makes it harder to fix on one strategy now. Be patient; the truth is out there for you to find.
Jesus, I sure as shit hope so, because this mood I am in is driving me nutty. All I currently want to do is read bad fiction novels and get drunk...
Friday, September 28, 2012
Thursday, September 20, 2012
Ode to Thursday..
Which is by and far the greatest day of the week.
"Why?" you say, well because it is - in fact - the real beginning of the weekend.
Here's the deal.
By Thursday, you are starting to finalize your plans for Friday night, laying out the plan for Saturday and figuring out what you're going to do on Sunday.
If you grew up in the 80's Thursday night kicked off three days of freedom with the NBC television line up.
Seinfeld, Friends, ER. Then you hip hoppity through Friday to the Friday night party.. etc, etc.
I love Thursdays. They sound like Thor - who is a badass (regardless of the stupid move version where the pointy nosed black swan star wars chick whined the whole time.) Thor swings a monster bat. Speaking softly and carrying a big bat is cool, ergo Thor is cool, ergo Thursday. For those of you who aspire to win on Jeopardy - read this.
So if Thursday makes me smile - and it usually does- I've decided Thursdays will be a must post day.
Heretofore known as: Thursday Thunder (which loosely translates into -my fucking rant of the week).
And - because I am in a major funk for no apparent reason- I solemnly swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth (as I see it) so help me God(dess).
Old gay man waiters
What the fuck is your problem. Do I smell? Is there a reason you saunter to my table with such disdain? Do you believe that because I am somewhat overweight I will require you to do some kind of extra work? Do you have any idea how much of a foodie I really am and regardless of your own training I could likely school ya' on a few things even though right now I look a bit like a laid out Wal-mart version of a 4th grade teacher. Fuck you, old man gay waiter. You chose this gig as your career - not me. Bring me my micro brew fruit infused beer with a fucking smile before I split your lip (or tip you less than the 20% you think you are entitled to)
Skinny jean wearing Euroamericans
Just like we have white trash in America, there exists in the world no small number of Eurotrash that trot the globe. The difference is, Eurotrash is rich (otherwise they could not afford 3 week vacations in the states). Should you think you have seen one in your local major metropolitan airport - you probably have. Here's some clues:
1. there is a strange mix of expensive cologne and body odor
2. jeans - skinny jeans, set low on the waist, usually being pulled down by an ipod strategically placed so that you can see just the top - and know they paid for it
3. Adidas or some other sport wear brand top, shoes etc. paired with a big expensive bag
4. grimy hair
I want to like them for coming to America and spending their money. They just kind of smell.
Young love with no future
Have you ever found yourself looking in the paper on Sunday morning at the wedding and engagement announcements? Sometimes you can see on their faces that it is just not going to work. Sometimes it really was not meant to be. I so want to warn them.
Shaving my legs - why or why not?
Is it really necessary to have your legs shaved all the time. Even when you're wearing jeans for a few days and you are not in the mood for sex? Naw... I didn't think so. Is it also true that you generally only shave your legs when you want to get laid or are wearing a dress? Yep.... me too.
Twitter stalking
I freely admit to using social networking to stalk my kids. They are teenage boys for christsakes. Getting information out of them can be trickier than pulling gum out of your hair (and equally as messy).
"Why?" you say, well because it is - in fact - the real beginning of the weekend.
Here's the deal.
By Thursday, you are starting to finalize your plans for Friday night, laying out the plan for Saturday and figuring out what you're going to do on Sunday.
If you grew up in the 80's Thursday night kicked off three days of freedom with the NBC television line up.
Seinfeld, Friends, ER. Then you hip hoppity through Friday to the Friday night party.. etc, etc.
I love Thursdays. They sound like Thor - who is a badass (regardless of the stupid move version where the pointy nosed black swan star wars chick whined the whole time.) Thor swings a monster bat. Speaking softly and carrying a big bat is cool, ergo Thor is cool, ergo Thursday. For those of you who aspire to win on Jeopardy - read this.
So if Thursday makes me smile - and it usually does- I've decided Thursdays will be a must post day.
Heretofore known as: Thursday Thunder (which loosely translates into -my fucking rant of the week).
And - because I am in a major funk for no apparent reason- I solemnly swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth (as I see it) so help me God(dess).
Old gay man waiters
What the fuck is your problem. Do I smell? Is there a reason you saunter to my table with such disdain? Do you believe that because I am somewhat overweight I will require you to do some kind of extra work? Do you have any idea how much of a foodie I really am and regardless of your own training I could likely school ya' on a few things even though right now I look a bit like a laid out Wal-mart version of a 4th grade teacher. Fuck you, old man gay waiter. You chose this gig as your career - not me. Bring me my micro brew fruit infused beer with a fucking smile before I split your lip (or tip you less than the 20% you think you are entitled to)
Skinny jean wearing Euroamericans
Just like we have white trash in America, there exists in the world no small number of Eurotrash that trot the globe. The difference is, Eurotrash is rich (otherwise they could not afford 3 week vacations in the states). Should you think you have seen one in your local major metropolitan airport - you probably have. Here's some clues:
1. there is a strange mix of expensive cologne and body odor
2. jeans - skinny jeans, set low on the waist, usually being pulled down by an ipod strategically placed so that you can see just the top - and know they paid for it
3. Adidas or some other sport wear brand top, shoes etc. paired with a big expensive bag
4. grimy hair
I want to like them for coming to America and spending their money. They just kind of smell.
Young love with no future
Have you ever found yourself looking in the paper on Sunday morning at the wedding and engagement announcements? Sometimes you can see on their faces that it is just not going to work. Sometimes it really was not meant to be. I so want to warn them.
Shaving my legs - why or why not?
Is it really necessary to have your legs shaved all the time. Even when you're wearing jeans for a few days and you are not in the mood for sex? Naw... I didn't think so. Is it also true that you generally only shave your legs when you want to get laid or are wearing a dress? Yep.... me too.
Twitter stalking
I freely admit to using social networking to stalk my kids. They are teenage boys for christsakes. Getting information out of them can be trickier than pulling gum out of your hair (and equally as messy).
Monday, September 17, 2012
Is behavior, belief?
Monday morning.
I catch up on my email, read through a bunch of FB posts, and think about starting work.
Except... there is no work to be done. No phone calls to be made, no orders to enter, no quotes to take care of. Nothing real.
Lots of speculation though - reports that will get thrown in the trash, requests for funds that will get filed in a drawer and marketing forecasts that will have coffee spilled on them (and then get thrown in the trash).
A couple of months ago an acquaintance of mine stopped by the house to say hi. He lives about an hour away so I really only kept in touch with him through FB. I seriously, do not even have his phone number. So as we are chatting it up, he tells me he had to get off FB and all of his social networking sites because he was starting to feel inconsequential. He could not help comparing himself to others and he felt like he wasn't matching up. He shut the whole thing down in an effort to get back to focusing on his family and his own life.
I suppose I get it.
I can't help comparing myself to my perceptions about other people's lives. Are they as bored as me? Unchallenged? Sad? To take a page out of my friend's book - no. They look busy and happy and healthy. I don't believe it though.. not really.
I think most of us are stuck in a rut. Not knowing the right steps to get out. Fear manipulating our choices. Boredom blocking our way. I never thought I would be apathetic... but here I am.
All I want to do is be snarky and negative
All I really need to do is positive and move forward.
I heard on NPR today that the best way to manipulate your belief is change your behavior (some teacher study on working with problem students).
This is an ongoing theme that my head hears but my heart just can't seem to deliver...
I catch up on my email, read through a bunch of FB posts, and think about starting work.
Except... there is no work to be done. No phone calls to be made, no orders to enter, no quotes to take care of. Nothing real.
Lots of speculation though - reports that will get thrown in the trash, requests for funds that will get filed in a drawer and marketing forecasts that will have coffee spilled on them (and then get thrown in the trash).
A couple of months ago an acquaintance of mine stopped by the house to say hi. He lives about an hour away so I really only kept in touch with him through FB. I seriously, do not even have his phone number. So as we are chatting it up, he tells me he had to get off FB and all of his social networking sites because he was starting to feel inconsequential. He could not help comparing himself to others and he felt like he wasn't matching up. He shut the whole thing down in an effort to get back to focusing on his family and his own life.
I suppose I get it.
I can't help comparing myself to my perceptions about other people's lives. Are they as bored as me? Unchallenged? Sad? To take a page out of my friend's book - no. They look busy and happy and healthy. I don't believe it though.. not really.
I think most of us are stuck in a rut. Not knowing the right steps to get out. Fear manipulating our choices. Boredom blocking our way. I never thought I would be apathetic... but here I am.
All I want to do is be snarky and negative
All I really need to do is positive and move forward.
I heard on NPR today that the best way to manipulate your belief is change your behavior (some teacher study on working with problem students).
This is an ongoing theme that my head hears but my heart just can't seem to deliver...
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