I fucking hate skinny people... it's a problem

So there are folks that are prejudiced - and folks who are racist.

I never thought I was either of those things... but, the older I get, the more raw and nasty I get over people who are thin.  I could seriously give a rat's ass about the color of your skin or who you sleep with or your age or your ethnicity or anything else you would like to use to define yourself.

EXCEPT - skinny people.

I don't care if you work out.
I don't care if you obsess over your carbs, your protein intake, your calorie count, your fitness level, your weight or your BMI... go ahead (it's my hobby too)

But if you are thin - I have noticed that over the years - I have gotten worse.  

I dislike you on principle alone.  Here in the good 'ole USA, your life has been easier than mine. And I am god-damned jealous.

I hate that you can shop in any store and pay less for your clothes.
I hate that you don't elicit the scorn and ridicule of others based on your size alone.
I hate that you have never had to wonder if you are going to break the furniture.
I hate that you have never had to wonder if you are even going to fit in the seat.
I hate that you can dance without reserve and without knowing you are the object of ridicule.
I hate that you can go to the beach without being stared at.
I hate that you can talk about "your fat thighs and your fat ass" in a satirical way because at the end of the day you still wear a size 6.

I fucking hate you and your magical, made up bullshit drama over what dress will fit. (They will all fit dumb ass)
I hate that you think you have flabby arms.
I hate that you think your life really sucks because you "just can't" turn over and tan your ass at the country club pool.
I hate that you could choose to wear designer dresses and I can't because they don't even make them in size.
I hate that I have lost opportunities in this world to people who were thinner than me.
I hate having to pretend that I give a shit about your new diet.

I hate that I am bound both emotionally and physically to beauty ideal that I can not easily achieve.

Time on this earth is limited.  What I do with that time says volumes.  I can make myself happy with food or I can choose not to.    If food is love in my family - and it is - I feel trapped.

I have an unhealthy relationship with my body and food.
I am not a special flower.  I am one if a field of American women who are completely and totally fucked up when it comes to body image and food.  Do you need proof?  Look at the diet and exercise business...  (it might was well be the industrial-military complex).  Hundreds of millions of dollars made off the backs of average women with a sickness.  

I hate skinny people.

awwww snap...

Everytime I tell myself I am going to shut this darn thing down - I don't. I'm not exactly sure what that's all about but as it stands - there is more kvetching to be done.

It's a new year and my obsessions are the same.
yo yo dieting - "my new hobby!"
exercise - "woo hoo - when do I get my damn fit bit flex?"
the kids - "college planning... do I have a role here?"
my job - "just as stupid as ever.  I officially think I am lazy now"

So - some snappy updates, eh?   Alrighty then -

Went off WW in August and jumped on the LC bandwagon.  LOVED it!  Went from 207 to 195 in about 2 months.  Got as low as 193 and was feelin' great. Then  -  completely ate whatever the hell I wanted from the middle of November through January 1st and ended up at 211.  (apparently I keep circling 205, eh?)  So - new year, same story.  Back in the saddle.  

In other news.  I think I quit smoking.  It started simply enough with me missing an entire day because there was no way/space/time to smoke at the Ohio State game.  So - after 24 hours with no cigarette... I just kept adding days until I was over the hump.  I can't say I am permanently quit because I had a couple over the course of the past couple of months.  But since I consider this a success, I am going to get my teeth  whitened (I wonder how much that costs?).

Some other things..
1. I ran for school board.  I lost.  It sucked.
2. I'm worried about my Dad's health
3. I think I need to have sex with my husband more
4. My friends are falling away from me.  This also sucks.

I'm back to reading other people's blogs.  My guilty pleasure... spying - in plain sight.

I feel like this blog should have some kind of direction but I honestly couldn't say what it could be.  There's all sorts of bloggers out there taking food pictures and running pictures and writing snarky odes to everything under the sun... but at the end of the day, I just have a ton of thoughts about a ton of things with no funnel and no friends to whine to so instead of saving them up I'm going to try to get them all out - again.

tomorrow....