Off the charts... literally

Although I had every intention of posting every Thursday - I completely lost track of the fact that yesterday was, indeed, Thursday. 

I am not kidding when I say I am the person who truly forgets how old I am, what day of the week it is and everybodys birthday/anniversary/special day - etc.  It's like my brain is ratcheting up for other things and I am so overtired that I really lose sight of things most people know cold.

So, yesterday I was busy.  And I heard (for the first time in my life) the following:

Office cat lady:  "I have to redo all the sales charts"
Me: "Oh, that's got to stink.. sorry to hear that"
Office cat lady:  "well - congratulations - it's your fault"
Me:  "Really?"
OCL:  "You are off the charts"
Me:  "You mean my sales?"
OCL:  "Yeah, you sold so much this month that it won't fit on the charts I normally make so I have to re-do them to make room for your monthly sales"
Me:  "Oh.. well, I suppose that's a pretty good problem for the company to have"
OCL:  "Yeah, it is - congratulations"

And the super shitty thing here is that although I had a wonder woman moment for about 10 seconds...  I didn't care.  The joy was fleeting and I was back at my desk surfing the web for graduate schools, new jobs and funny blogs about 20 minutes later.  WTF?  Is this what depression feels like? 

I was watching the movie Fight Club the other night and there is a scene where the main character (oh how I love thee Edward Norton) is having a conversation with his alter-ego.  In it, the alter tells him "God does not love you, you are not special.  And once you get over that, you will finally be free" 

I think I am in a mid life freak out.  I had an idyllic childhood.  My parents were the ones who told me I could be president, or a rock star or... anything...  and I believed them.   Now - I am 40 and I am not famous or rich or powerful.  I am however "off the charts" with no passion for my pursuits. 

I am whining...
I hate whiners...
I need a plan and I hope it involves being thin, rich and powerful.  Is that too much to ask?

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No sooner do I get done writing this - I go to check my horoscope (because it's fun, don't judge) and this is mine for today...

Friday, Sep 28th, 2012 -- You have spent a lot of time analyzing the possibilities and thinking about where you want your life to go. Although your grand scheme may remain unchanged, your plan to create your ideal future continues to undergo radical change because of unexpected opportunities that have not yet come to fruition. It's difficult to know whether or not they are real, which, in turn, makes it harder to fix on one strategy now. Be patient; the truth is out there for you to find.

Jesus, I sure as shit hope so, because this mood I am in is driving me nutty.  All I currently want to do is read bad fiction novels and get drunk...