Whether you've actually seen the Twilight movies or not - you may have seen the trailer where Edward looks at Bella and says.. "you are my own special brand of heroin."
And that my dears... is my relationship with food.
I love it. I need it. I think about it hundreds of times a day.
What am I going to eat? When? Where? With who?
I eat when I'm happy, confused, depressed, hungry, not hungry, anxious, sick, bored and busy.
I love healthy food, bad food, restaurants, food trucks, eating at home, eating at parties and everything in between.
The trouble is - when you are addicted to the one thing that has the propensity to kill you it's hard to know when to stop.
My entire life revolves around food. I exercise so I can have an excuse to feed my demon. When I don't, I feed the fucker anyway and then bitch when my jeans are too tight. I justify my menu because I believe I deserve to have some happiness.
I play games with myself and my diet depending on my mood of the minute/hour/day/month.
I am so very tired of cutting deals with myself over my obsession with food.
I am tired and don't want to think about it anymore.... except that I am in love with her... my demon... and I don't know how to just eat enough to survive instead of enough to sooth my soul.
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