Are you the shoes you wear?

When you are little, adults like to make small talk by asking "what do you want to be when you grow up?"

It may be different for everyone but I think it changes a bit as you move through your childhood, and then your adolescence.  I distinctly remember saying (in this order as I got older) - a teacher, an actress, a radio station programmer.

I did two of those things... kindof.  The local theatre company counts I suppose, but I never got paid.  I was on the radio and worked in tv for years but I never got really paid.  I'm trying to decide if I should just go full circle back to my 8 year old self.  I'm thinking about being a teacher. 

I can officially say I believe I am having a bit of a mid life crisis.  I always thought I would get to this point in my life and be the "big fish in a little sea".  I decided long ago that I did not need to be in charge of the world but I had hoped that I would be in charge of something.  Anything really that I cared about.  Turns out I am not.  I am just your average girl, doing an average job who (by my standards) is making very little impact on the community as a whole.  I suppose I thought I would be some kind of public servant or in someway work to make my little corner of the world better.  I'm not so sure that is how things turned out... and for that I am sad.

Here's what I do know. 
I want to be happy to do what I do. 
I'm not sure how. - note to self, define "what I do"
The not knowing how pisses me off.
Good Lord... I'm whining again.  UGGHH!